Choices + Decisiveness

Happy New year. We made it to 2022—despite Covid, all of its mutations and all the the social and systemic reactions to it. We are here and that is miraculous. 

During the ending/beginning of each new year, there is always a lot of future forecasting done by psychics and evangelical pastors alike. Tapping into their respective sources and telling us what to expect and what themes will be present during the oncoming year. Exploiting our human desire for certainty and decisiveness along with our propensity to project authority onto others from a place of self-lack. They sell certainty and rile us up, only to ultimately let us down; because they give us projections instead of instructions. Their charisma and way with words makes us feel as if something in the future,—a miracle—is going to happen and that is going to create our desired results. This culture fosters dependency and idolatry which in many instances sustains a stream of revenue; books, sponsorships, conferences.

The ultimate truth is this: our future will only be as good as we make it. We are the miracle. 

With timing in mind, we do need to be prepared. But, we also shouldn’t wait on a future miracle to prepare us. We have the ability and capacity to prepare ourselves and to be intentional in our development. Because we are the miracle. 

The reason we allow people that don’t know anything about our lives specifically and don’t have special access to God tell us how our future will be, is the same reason many of our desires often go unmet + unrealized: Because of our own lack of decisiveness. 

Making Choices for Yourself

Making your own choices in general is not easy; not based on our inherent ability, but because there are so many possibilities. There are right choices and there are choices that are right for you and both are valid and important. So how do you know what’s right? by running it by another person? I don’t see any harm in this, but these dynamics also are limiting and may result in random outcomes; perhaps status quo outcomes. When we rely on others we can blame them for the undesired results we are oft met with, instead of reckoning with ourselves and our own free will. 

To make your own decisions is to practice intimacy with self.

Why not pray, research and trust yourself? Every choice will have its unintended consequences whether the results are desirable or undesirable, but the more we lead our won lives, the more we understand ourselves, our choices and what the best move is to make. 

Insecure

A lot of our fear of making our own choices comes from perfectionism. Expecting our choices to always result in a championship ring or the most desirable outcome. Perfectionism is just self criticism. It’s an inner judge. 

Our outcomes will always vary, but if we are trusting ourselves we are putting ourselves in the best possible position for success. If we are trusting ourselves and have our own best interest at heart, our outcomes will vary much more into a positive direction, than if we rely on a very well intended stranger.

If it was never meant to be perfect than how can we make a mistake? Our successes and failures lead us to the greatest good. We ourselves are worthy of trust.  

I will have friends but I will trust myself 

The relationships that we choose into are a mirror, reflecting to us our beliefs and feelings about ourselves and about life. It is the only way for us to be compatible with another person and share time with them. When my self esteem wasn’t in the greatest place, I would surround myself with people that reflected that, and because my self-esteem wasn’t great I would rely heavily on their perspective and not my own. A perfect storm. Once I got tired of eating my own vomit so to speak, After communicating my new needs to my friends and them responding with apathy or pride, I cut a bunch of people out of my life, healed and began attracting new relationships. One of my old friends and I reconnected and built a familiar but ultimately new bond. Within my current relationships I really value my friends—although far fewer than I had before—and their perspectives and am grateful that I can trust them with my experiences. My closest friends are also on their own personal growth journey which makes me feel safe relaying my experiences to them. And even when we share and confide in one another. I will always make my own choice. 

Surrender

In order to make choices for ourselves we must make decisions to the best of our ability, accept that there will be unintended consequences no matter what and surrender our outcomes.

It will be imperfect and it will be beautiful.

-Amber B

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